What I Ask When Reprocessing Gets Stuck

group of people in therapy having a conversation

Getting stuck during EMDR reprocessing can leave even seasoned therapists feeling unsure or ineffective. This blog will explore how integrating IFS into EMDR can empower therapists to navigate stuck points with more confidence and curiosity rather than panic. The idea is to share key internal and client-directed questions she uses in these moments to shift the energy, reconnect with Self, and re-engage the client’s system in a safe and collaborative way. This is about feeling providing insight on how to feel grounded and capable in the process.

The BLS is going, you pause and check in and say, “what do you notice,” and the client says, “nothing’s happening,” or seems to shut down and dissociate…and you freeze. Yep, we’ve all been there, whether brand new to EMDR or a seasoned EMDR therapist. In those moments it is so common for the therapist to panic or start to feel incompetent. We may even question the efficacy of EMDR, and want to stop offering it to our clients. After experiencing many stuck points in EMDR over the years, I’ve learned that when I feel stuck, I don’t push or shut down anymore. Rather, I get curious, with my client and myself.

Why Stuck Points Are an Invitation, Not a Failure

Experiencing blocks in EMDR are quite common, especially in complex trauma work. Stuck points are most often a sign that a protective part needs some attention. EMDR therapy is a big ask. We are asking our clients to choose to bring up pain from the past and actually feel it. What?! As humans we are wired to avoid pain. We don’t want to feel that, and we have protective parts of us that do everything they can to help us to avoid feeling pain. Naturally, EMDR can bring up parts of us who are not on board with this idea of “in order to heal it you must feel it.” Integrating EMDR with IFS offers a map to be able to get to know and work with these protectors, so that EMDR can get back to running smoothly.

The Therapist’s Inner Dialogue: Internal Questions I Ask Myself

These are some questions I may ask myself in the moment during a stuck point, or before or after a session when I am reflecting on
the work.

“Is a part of me trying to make this work?”
“What sensations am I noticing in my body right now?”
“What do I need at this moment to help me to regulate?
“What is activated inside of me right now?”

I encourage you to pause and ask some of these questions to yourself, and notice how the energy shifts from urgency to curiosity. Notice what that feels like in your body, heart, and mind.

What I Ask My Client: External Questions That Invite Safety

Once you’ve explored your own system and have found some clarity, and your parts have given some space, you may feel ready to shift the focus back to your client’s system. Below are some IFS-informed questions you might ask your client when reprocessing stalls:

“Would it be okay if we checked in with the part that feels unsure right now?”
“Can we turn toward the hesitation you are noticing inside?”
“What if we pause and do a parts check-in before moving forward?”
“Would it be okay to pause and just notice who’s here with us?”

These types of questions honor the protective system and invite them to come forward and be seen and heard. Through that process of witnessing and understanding, parts will give space and allow for reprocessing to continue.

Real-Life Example

One session that stands out to me when my own parts were very activated during reprocessing was when working on an attachment trauma target, and the client was going closer and closer into the depths of despair and shame. At each check in client reported things like, “I’m completely alone,” and shared visuals of being alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean in complete darkness. As an EMDR therapist is trained, I said, “go with that,” while inside my parts were screaming at me, worried that he was going to be stuck in the pain, and that I/we would make him feel worse if we kept going.

Instead of freaking out and stopping the session, I was able to put my hand on my heart to reassure my parts that I’ve got this and I am right here with them, feel my feet on the floor, and take a sip of tea. Then I remembered my favorite interweave to use and said to the client, “Who or what do you need right now?” He wasn’t sure but considered the question in the next set. To both of our pleasant surprise, a light showed up in the distance and a whale came alongside him. He was no longer alone and untethered, and his nervous system was able to move toward adaptive resolution.

Why This Empowers the Therapist

This session taught me a lesson in trusting the process of EMDR, but more importantly, taught my parts that they can trust me. Stuck moments in ourselves or in our clients don’t require “fixing,” they call for attunement and presence. The ability to turn toward our protectors with curiosity and openness is liberating for the therapeutic process. When we, as therapists, know how to access Self, befriend our parts, and stay curious, we become more confident and flexible. We can let go of the fixing, the “shoulds”, and the rigidness that can sometimes show up in our profession. We do not have to force ourselves or clients into a particular mold, or a rigid protocol. Instead, we can lead from relationship- internally and externally.

Closing: Curiosity as a Compass

The gentle, internal inquiry, the pause, the energy of noticing without agenda- allow us to show up more fully as our true Self in the therapy office. The internal and external questions mentioned above are pathways to return to Self-led presence. I invite you to try just one question the next time you feel stuck, and see what happens.